The Secret Life of Books

Books are magical. Sure, they have the ability to transport you to other worlds or back and forth in time. But they’re so much stronger than that.

For one, they exude a call that is inaudible to the human ear. This call is the strongest when books are either young or collect in large numbers. If you have, say, an entire store full of brand new books, watch out. That’s a double whammy. Even though humans can’t physically hear the book-call frequency, some of us can still sense it and are even strongly affected by it. Those are the people you see walking into the bookstores with very little money and walking back out with maxed credit cards and bags full of the little buggers.

So one of these poor schmucks lugs home a butt ton of the wee devils, and then stares at them in hypnotic horror at having to choose which one to read first. Some people have been known to stay in this position for days, completely unaware of the time.

Once the poor soul nabs a book and starts reading it, that’s when the real devilment starts. See, books have the magical power to attract all sorts of things. Are you in the middle of reading an intense fighting scene? Expect a very important phone call right about- now. Did you get to that passionate love scene where the two characters finally admit their feelings for each other? Sweet, that creepy dude on the bus is going to start talking to you now. Books are just sadistic like that.

And we wouldn’t have them any other way.

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